Clearing the Air
by maxandkiz
Summary: Sam and Dean have a talk after they get back to the bunker. Set after Bad Boys. So Season 9 spoilers up to that episode.


Disclaimer: Supernatural and all its characters belong to Kripke and the CW. I own nothing. 

"I didn't believe him, you know." Sam remarked, keeping his eyes focused straight ahead.

"What?" Dean asked, glancing his brother's way in the darkening cab. "Who?"

"Dad" Sam clarified. "I didn't believe dad when he told me you got lost on a hunt."

"You didn't?" Dean questioned, surprise coloring his tone.

"Of course not" Sam scoffed, turning his head to the side so that he was facing the passenger window. "I was twelve, not stupid. Dad had set us up in a decent place and taken off like he always did when he went on a hunt alone. You and I had been there for a week already. We'd ate, slept, watched bad movies, and played ping pong together. Hell, you'd even left me at Plucky's twice! Probably would have left me there that day if those kids hadn't gotten sick all over the games." He paused, a slight smile on his face at the memory of his big brother's expression when he'd walked in and saw the employees attempting to clean up that mess. It had been priceless!

Dean shuddered at the memory. "Dude, there was no way I was taking you back there. The last thing I needed was a sick, whiny kid to take care of." He grumbled.

The smile slid off Sam's face. "Yeah, I know." Adding now under his breath. "Anyway, when you left that day, I figured you were going out looking for chicks like always. You being gone was hours wasn't really a surprise either. That was normal. But then dad came storming in. And instead of demanding to know where you were, he starts throwing our stuff in our duffles and yelling at me to get in the car. I could tell from the look on his face that something had gone wrong so I didn't question him. I just followed his order and got in the car. It wasn't until we roared past the city limits sign that I started freaking. I started yelling that we had to go back; that we couldn't leave you there. That's when dad told me that you had gotten lost on a hunt. He said he had to get me to Bobby's so he could go find you."

"Sounds reasonable" Dean commented as he pulled into the hidden entrance to the Men of Letters garage. "I could have left to handle a hunt."

"Riiight" Sam replied, rolling his eyes. "Dad had never let you hunt alone. I knew that. I figured you had gotten in trouble with a girl's father or something. I fought all the way to Bobby's to stay with dad. I told him I could help and that he was wasting time; that you needed us now. But the only thing my arguments got me was a sore butt."

"Dad busted your butt?" Dean asked.

Sam nodded. "Yeah, I guess he got tired of arguing with me." He said with a shrug. "Anyway, I got dropped at Bobby's place. And then it was like you two disappeared. I heard nothing from either of you. I drove Bobby crazy asking to call you guys and then begging and pleading for him to take me back to find you. Then dad shows up outta the blue one day. He tells me he found you and that we need to go pick you up. I still didn't buy the Dean got lost on a hunt line but I went along with it cause I knew if he said we were going to get you, we were going to get you."

Dean parked the impala, cut the engine, and then scooted around so he was face to face with his brother. "So, what changed your mind?" he inquired.

"You did." Sam answered. "After we got you back and stopped somewhere for the night, I asked you what happened. I knew you wouldn't lie to me. So when you told me dad had sent you to research a hunt and you'd gotten captured, I believed you."

Dean winced. "Sam, I…"

"It's alright, Dean. You didn't want me to know about you losing the money. I understand." Sam said before opening the door and climbing out of the impala.

Dean followed suit. Resting his arms on the hood of the classic Chevy, he gazed at his brother. "Come on man. I'll fix us something to eat and we'll grab Kevin and watch one of those ancient horror movies we found."

Sam shook his head. "I think I'm gonna hit the hay."

Dean's big brother radar went off. Narrowing his eyes, he studied his sibling. "You feeling okay, Sammy?" he asked.

"Yeah, just tired" Sam fibbed.

"Okay" Dean replied, deciding not to call the kid on the obvious lie. "If you need anything, just holler. Alright?"

"Sure" Sam agreed. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he trudged out of the garage. 

SPN 

"Dinner is served" Dean announced as he walked into his brother's room tray in hand. Noticing Sam sitting on his bed with his back against the headboard and his knees pulled up to his chest, he frowned. That was a classic Sammy pouting pose. Dean couldn't believe it! He'd had to leave the home he'd almost had and the family he had made all those years ago and Sam was the one sulking! What the Hell? Dropping the soup and sandwich laden tray on the wooden dresser by the door, Dean stormed over to the bed, crossed his arms, and eyed his brother. "What?" he demanded.

Sam startled. Peering up, he flinched at the angry expression on his sibling's face. "Dean? What's wrong?"

"Why don't you tell me?" Dean growled. "After all you're the one sitting there with your lip poking out like a five year old!"

Hurt flashed across Sam's face before he could mask it. "What? I'm not…" he started. Breaking off, he shook his head. "You know what. Forget it."

"No I won't forget it! I wanna know what's got your panties in a knot!" Dean yelled. "What could have possibly happened to bring out the teenage sulk monster?!"

Sam's lips thinned. "I'm not a kid anymore, Dean. You don't have to try to fix me. I'm not your responsibility anymore."

"Not my responsibility? What are you…" Dean stopped, eyes widening as realization sunk in. "You heard that?!"

"Heard what? Robin's comment that when you told her the best part about working with cars is that you fix them and then you're no longer responsible for them, you were talking about me?" Sam angrily replied. "Yeah, I heard."

"Sammy, I…"

"I get it, Dean. I do." Sam broke in as he visibly deflated. All signs of anger gone, he dropped his gaze to the floor. "Dad left you with all the responsibility every time he went on a hunt. And I know it was hard. I learned just how hard once you started going with him. But I already knew most of it. You might have been the one in charge but that didn't mean you were the only one who worried. I wasn't as naïve or oblivious as you and dad assumed I was. I worried about our money running out, or someone finding out we were alone, or something happening to you."

"You did?" Dean asked.

"Of course I did." Sam huffed. "I might have been little but I wasn't an idiot. I worried every time dad left. I just didn't say anything to you 'cause I knew if I did, you'd only worry more."

Dean nodded. "Okay" he said. "But still, you didn't…"

"Have the responsibility" Sam finished. "I know." He ran a shaky hand through his hair. "I just…I didn't think you saw me as a responsibility."

Dean sighed. "I didn't Sammy. Not most of the time anyway. I liked taking care of you and spending time with you. You and I we had a lot of fun together." he explained, nudging his giant of a brother with his shoulder. "But then I hit my teens and while I still enjoyed spending time with you, I needed my space; something I couldn't have with a kid brother to watch twenty four seven. Come on man! You remember what the teenage years were like. You wanted freedom to do what you wanted when you wanted."

Sam nodded. "I remember." He agreed.

"What I said, I didn't really mean it. All it took was one look at you to make me realize that." Dean confided.

"Me?" Sam questioned, peering up at his brother once more.

"Yeah, when you and dad came to get me, Sonny told me that I could stay if I wanted; that all I had to do was give him the word and he'd fight to keep me there." Dean told his sibling. "And I was seriously thinking about it man. But then I looked out the window and saw you hanging out the back window with that toy plane and I knew what I wanted. I wanted, needed to be with you."

Sam gave his brother a slight smile before dropping his gaze to the floor again. "But you thought about it, right? You thought about ditching us and living a normal life?"

It was Dean's turn to nod. "Yeah, I did." He admitted. "For that one brief moment and maybe a few other times after I wanted a normal apple pie life."

"A few other times?" Sam repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah" Dean answered. "Any time a hunt went south and I was left in a hospital waiting to find out if you or dad were going to live, I wished with all my might that we were a normal American family."

"The same goes for me" Sam told him. "I was so scared of losing you or dad growing up. Every hunt I was petrified something would go wrong and one of you would be killed."

"But it didn't." Dean pointed out.

"Yeah" Sam agreed with a sigh.

Dean frowned. "Okay, I know that sigh. What else is knocking around in that big brain of yours?" he asked. "Spit it out little brother."

Sam silently sat, the twisting of his hands a sure sign of the internal debate waging inside. Finally after several uncomfortable minutes of quiet, the younger Winchester raised his head and pinned his brother with his infamous puppy dog eyes. "I, I get the wanting normal and even the thinking about staying with Sonny and Robin instead of coming with dad and me. I spent a big part of my childhood wishing for normal." He began, his voice wavering. "What I don't understand is why you shut me down every time I said anything about wanting a normal life."

"I didn't…"

"Yes you did!" Sam hollered. Standing up, he began to pace. "Anytime I so much as mentioned wanting normal you either yelled, made fun of me, or flat out shut me down! You've called me selfish and ungrateful and worse! Almost every single time we fought as teenagers or even adults, you've throw my wanting normal in my face like it was some horrible crime! You made me feel like the worst kind of brother any time I dared to so much as breathe the word normal! And now to find out that you not only wanted the same thing but actually got to live a normal life for two months, I…"

"Hey! You got the same two months of normal. You were at Bobby's, remember?" Dean reminded.

Sam spun around, staring incredulously at his brother. "Do you seriously think those two months were normal for me?! Are you kidding me?!" he growled. "That was one of the worst times of my life! I spent the whole two months worried sick about you! I had nightmare after awful nightmare of what could have happened to you! And the days…the days were just as bad if not worse! I couldn't eat! I couldn't sleep! I just sat by the phone and waited! I would have gotten sick as a dog if it hadn't been for Bobby. He threatened to call dad if I didn't start eating. There was no way I was letting Bobby interrupt dad's mission to get you back so I ate just enough to make Bobby happy."

Sorry dude" Dean apologized. "I didn't even think about you or what might be happening to you. I guess I figured you were safe with dad."

Sam merely nodded. Shoulders slumping, he plopped down on the edge of his bed and dropped his head into his hands, his energy spent.

Dean walked over and sat down beside his little brother. He hesitated for a moment before throwing an arm around Sam's shoulders. "I'm sorry Sammy" he honestly said. "I had no right to kick you to the curb for wanting the same thing I wanted once. I should never have said any of the stuff I did. I just, I was worried if I encouraged you the least little bit, you'd go and find that normal life and I'd lose you." He looked down at his knees. "And, and part of me was jealous."

"Jealous?" Sam questioned, peering up at his brother.

"Yeah, crazy huh?" Dean replied. "But it's the truth. I was jealous of you. I think even way back then a part of me knew you'd leave us one day to find that normal life you were craving."

Sam snorted. "I didn't leave to find normal. I went to college." He corrected. "And I didn't plan on leaving you and dad. I had every intention of meeting up with you guys on breaks and hunting with you. Dad was the one who said if I left, I couldn't come back."

"I know Sammy, I know." Dean assured his sibling. "And I understand that…now. And that's another thing I need to apologize to you for. I shouldn't have held that against you all these years. I shouldn't have held it against you at all. I should have told you how proud I was of you instead 'cause I was proud of you." Dean drew his brother into a hug. "I was so damn proud of you man."

Sam wrapped his arms around his brother and held on tight. "Love you too big brother" he whispered.

Dean swatted the back of Sam's head in return. "Are you through with the mother of all chick flicks now?" he good naturedly grumbled.

"Yeah, I think so." Sam answered before reluctantly withdrawing from the hug.

"Good" Dean commented. He slapped his sibling's knee and then stood and strode over to the dresser. Picking up the tray of food, he carried it back to the bed and set it in front of Sam. "Now, you are going to eat everything on this tray and then you're going to go to sleep. Got it?"

Sam smiled. "Yes sir D-Dog!" he teased.

The eye roll was expected. "Annoying little bitch" Dean muttered as he swiped a sandwich off the tray and took a huge bite.

"Jerk" Sam responded, chuckling at the one fingered salute aimed his way.

"You guys are so weird." A voice called from the doorway.

Dean and Sam looked towards the door and burst into giggles at the expression on Kevin was wearing. Turning back towards each other, they laughed harder as they both attempted to copy their friend's exasperated look.

Shaking his head, Kevin trudged away from the door. A smile came over his face as he walked down the hall. It was about time the Winchester brothers cleared the air.


End file.
